trapped in a dumbwaiter

O-hi-yuh!

2009-04-30T19:26:00.003-04:00

So I was driving to get some lunch the other day, and I ended up behind a stupid, giant, redneck pick-em-up truck. Now, before you say anything, let me be the first to admit that just because a person drives a pickup doesn't mean they're automatically a redneck, yokel, hick, hillbilly, or any other backwoodsy stereotype. Why, then, would I refer to this person as such? Proof, friends! Proof. Behold:

-TWO window decals of Calvin peeing on something. Calvin was wearing a cowboy hat as well.

-Confederate flag window decal.

-American flag decal with the words, "These colors don't run" printed on it.

-"God, Guns, and Guts" decal.

-Enough stupid ribbon magnets to clog a woodchipper. Most were camoflage-colored. The hunting kind, not the army kind.

-McCain/Palin decal.

-Git 'R' Done decal.

-Decal that said, "Liberal: noun: a person so open-minded their brains have fallen out".

-All of this on a Ford F-350 with six tires.

So, on top of all of that, I have this guy's exhaust blowing right in my face. Eventually we both turned onto a main drag here in town where there are two lanes on each side instead of one. Naturally, I didn't want to be behind this person anymore, so I got in the other lane and started speeding up. I ended up right next to him as we arrived at a stop light. He looked over (both of us had our windows down, as it was a nice day) and asked if I wanted to race him. I declined, and he started to rev his engine. He kept looking at me too.

"That's great!" I yelled in a sarcastic manner. Even threw in a thumbs-up.

"Put up or shut up, buddy!" he said, putting his tongue in his cheek.

I started laughing. I mean, the guy looked ridiculous. He had to have been in his forties as well. I shook my head.

"What's funny, faggot?" He yelled. "What's funny?"

I just kept shaking my head. The light turned green and after the cars ahead of us started driving, we began to accelerate. He immediately started tailgating the guy in front of him until the guy changed lanes, then he sped off.

"What an idiot," I said to myself.

'Til next time...

Books! Check 'Em Out.

2009-04-25T23:36:00.003-04:00

To sort of break away from my schoolwork, I started reading a novel I found in my closet. Honestly, I had forgotten that I even bought it, and I'm not too sure how long it's been there. The book is 'A Confederacy Of Dunces' by John Kennedy Toole. Let me just say, I haven't read any fiction in a LONG time. This is my first time reading this book, too. I bought it without even knowing what it was about; something about it just grabbed me, and I liked the title. Having said all that, I am absolutely loving it. It is so funny and well-written. It's making me want to start writing again, too. I used to write a lot in high school, and I always thought that I would end up a writer, but then all that just kind of tapered off. I never thought I was that good at it or anything, but I always thought it would be awesome to write a book. I still do, and that spark is starting to flare up again.

It feels kind of tingly.

Wait, what? Moving on.

Getting back to fiction is something I'm becoming very interested in now. Can anyone recommend any really good books? After this one I have a short stack of books by Kurt Vonnegut that I haven't read yet, but after that I'm going to be all out of options. Help me out, readers!

'Til next time...

That Gets My Goat.

2009-04-24T15:27:00.005-04:00

To those who constantly wear those idiotic bluetooth earpiece phone things--stop it. You look absurd. There's some middle-aged prick who has a seat near me at the arena, and he always shows up with one of those goddamn things on. What a tool. Honestly, why would you even need that at a hockey game? Can your devastatingly important business life not wait two hours? Apparently not.

To those who have the entire road ahead of them and proceed to drive 35 miles an hour in a 50 mile an hour zone--get off the damn road. Anyone who doesn't notice that they're backing up traffic for a quarter-mile because they're too busy talking on a phone or pointing out random locations to their passengers should not be allowed to drive. It is stupid and severely annoying. Pay attention, moron.

To those who use public restrooms and don't flush afterwards--you are unbelievably disgusting. There's a reason that little handle is there. It's so your fucking piss and shit doesn't sit and stink up the place. What's that you say? You don't want to touch a filthy public toilet? Oh, I see. Yeah, it's too bad they don't have some way for you to clean your hands in a bathroom. If they did, it would be no trouble to flush. Oh wait, that's what those sinks are for?! Get right out!

To those who believe they know everything, and feel the need to share that with everyone around them--you are ridiculous. People like you have a lot to learn, including how to shut the hell up.

To those who are reading this blog and do so on a somewhat regular occasion--thanks. You guys are awesome.

'Til next time...

My Co-Workers

2009-04-19T23:31:00.002-04:00

Hi all,

As I have established in previous entries here, I work at a large grocery store called Giant Eagle. I have worked there for entirely too long, and I hate it with a passion. Until about six or seven months ago, I worked nights, and that effectively crushed my soul and screwed up my health for a while. Since I've switched to mornings, I've met a lot of new folks. Some are nice, some are annoying. Here's the rundown, using nicknames that I have created:

-"Gung Ho"--> This guy is OBSESSED with the military. He's in the reserves. He spends those monthly weekends sitting in a booth watching TV, but he acts like he's been in the shit or something. He will start talking about 'maneuvers', or 'regs', or the 'CMH' at a moment's notice. Honestly, most of the time we won't even be talking about military stuff and he'll just say something out of the blue to change the subject. He especially likes to do it when customers walk by, and he'll be louder about it if said customer happens to be a young woman. I feel like the Dude in Big Lebowski when Walter starts talking about Vietnam. He purposely says things in armyspeak. He refers to our starting time as "oh-seven-hundred". We have to wear walkie talkies. He LOVES that. He always keeps his turned up REALLY loud, too, so customers can hear it and be impressed, or something. If someone calls him on it, he'll make a huge deal of retrieving it from his belt loop, cock his arm really fast, give a cool, casual look to the nearest individual and say, "Go ahead." He comes back from breaks early, too. Who the hell does that? Honestly.

-Mouth #1--> This lady thinks she has to know every single goddamn thing that goes on, ever. She is quite possibly THE biggest gossip I've ever come in contact with, and I used to go to church! She'll always walk up and start with the same phrase--"Did you hear what happened to...". She loves all of those VH1 reality shows. I think she kinda gets off on 'sniffing other people's dirty laundry', so to speak. That brings me to...

-Mouth #2--> Okay, this guy's almost worse. He talks relentlessly about everyone on our shift, but he'll act like he doesn't. I made the mistake early on of telling him something mildly personal, and the next day an employee I didn't even know approached me and started giving out advice. From then on, I knew not to tell him anything. Sometimes when I'm bored, though, I'll tell him a total lie and see how long it takes for it to get around. It's a fun game I like to play sometimes.

-Captain Paperwork--> This guy is a joke. According to him, everything has to be done according to these stupid lists they've been trying to implement. If the list says one person has to do a job in one hour that it would normally take two people an hour to do, then there's no reason why one person shouldn't get it done in that hour. Make sense? Of course not. Nothing is designed around common sense. This guy sits in an office and makes and laminates charts, then comes down and bitches at us while he posts them on our walls.

-Deliverance--> Total redneck. The first time I met this guy, I said hi to him. He stared at me, breathing through his stupid mouth, and did not say ONE WORD. He continued to stare at me until I walked off. Since then he's asked me if I'm a "faygeet", and told me if I was to stay away from him. One of the very few people I would like to hit. I wouldn't, but it's fun to think about it sometimes.

There are actually a few people who work there that are really cool, too, including my former co-workers from the night shift, and a very lovely young lady who works in a different department. She's insanely nice and really fun and easy to talk to. She's also very attractive. And, of course, she has a boyfriend. With my luck, I'm becoming someone who's "like a sister" to her. It's not like I'm trying to put the moves on her or anything, but damn.

Wrapping up, the moral of this story is that I need to quit working at this place and move far, far away. Also, I'm kind of hungry.

'Til next time...

Title That Sums Up Blog Entry

2009-04-12T22:25:00.003-04:00

Well, here it is Sunday night again, and I'm trying to scramble to finish my homework. Ha, that's why I'm on here, I guess.

I saw this guy at work today that I went to high school with. I'll call him Frank. Actually, he was a grade ahead of me, but I had a few classes with him. It's funny; as soon as I saw him, it reminded me of the prom that took place my junior year. My friends and I did not go. Being the anti-social punks we were, we felt it would not be cool or fun to get dressed up and go dance to lame, mushy songs about loving love. So instead, four of us got together and went for a ride. We drove all over town, and our trip eventually took us past the high school. One of us, in passing, commented that it would be funny to park and stand outside the school so we could make fun of people and just be generally obnoxious. We all agreed, and my friend parked his car in the main lot. We ventured toward the front doors where well-dressed teens were arriving in small groups. We walked into the entryway, but were promptly shown the door by a teacher. Apparently ripped jeans and leather jackets are not traditional prom wear. Plus, we found out that tickets were required to gain access to the gym. That's where all the action was, apparently. Upon finding this out, we walked out and stood in front of the main entrance, and proceeded to act as ticket-takers. It was pretty fun. A senior would walk up with his date, and I'd say, "Tickets please." The best part was that no one even questioned it. They consistently handed them over, never thinking, "Hey, why are the weird loser kids working at the prom? I thought they hated this stuff." Anyway, they'd hand over their tickets, one of us would tear them in half and hand them back. Then, for good measure, we'd throw in a 'have a nice time', or 'okay, you can go in now.'

We did that to a good fifteen couples before someone came out and busted us. We were asked to leave. We retaliated by tearing down the neatly printed signs that were hanging on the doors after the offending party went back inside, most likely to make sure there was no groping going on on the dancefloor. As we were walking away, a large, rented vehicle pulled up in front of us. Frank got out--stumbled out, is more like it. He had a girl with him, who had more than likely been taken advantage of in a drunken backseat brawl. Surprisingly, he approached me.

"Hey man," he slurred. "When's the latest we can get in here?"

Now--the signs had all the info, like how you would not be admitted any later than 12:00 midnight, clearly printed on them; in a lovely font to boot. However, those signs were in the trash, courtesy of yours truly. So...

"You'll be good 'til three."

"Great! We'll be back a little before then."

"Alrighty, just make sure you have your tickets. Wouldn't wanna get stuck outside!"

And with that, they left. Then, my friends and I did the same. I always kinda wondered what ended up happening, but I hadn't thought about it in years. It was the first thing that popped into my head, though, when I saw him today. I chuckled to myself, remembering that time, and other similar times. I hated high school, but times like that bring back fond memories. A lot of them make for pretty good stories. Several more come to mind, but maybe for another time. I have trigonometry homework to do.

'Til next time...

Recent iTunes Purchases

2009-04-07T19:54:00.002-04:00

Alright everyone. Hopefully we can all agree that being able to buy and download almost any album from iTunes is freaking sweet. Personally, I have been going a bit crazy with the downloads lately. (What else am I gonna do with my tax refund--save it for something important?! Pfft.) I just looked in my purchases, and this is what I saw:

Screeching Weasel - Wiggle
The Methadones - Career Objective
The Methadones - Not Economically Viable
The Amino Acids - Destroy The Warming Sun
The Bird & The Bee - Ray Guns Are Not Just The Future
Descendents - Somery
Blitzkid - Anatomy Of Re-Animation, Vol. 1
Black Flag - Wasted...Again
Circle Jerks - Group Sex
The Germs - GI
D.O.A. - Hardcore '81
The Damned - Damned Damned Damned
X - Wild Gift
Against All Authority - Destroy What Destroys You
Rancid - S/T ('93)
Smashing Pumpkins - Gish

Now, this may not look like that many albums, but this is like a week's worth of buying here. For me, it's quite a bit, and I did not even realize that I was accumulating so much music in such a short time. I put it to you, fellow Bloggers--what albums have you gotten recently? More than this? Less?

ooh. I still need the latest Maria Taylor album. I might make myself wait, though. Crap.

'Til next time...

How long was I out?

2009-04-06T22:37:00.002-04:00

Hey everybody! I'm back after another long break to do an update of sorts. I've been super-busy with school lately, and I just have not made time for the ol' blog. I'm currently trying not to let math kick my ass this quarter; I'm only in precalculus and I'm already feeling slightly overwhelmed. I think it's mainly because my teacher talks and writes really fast and assumes that it's just as easy for everyone in the class as it is for him. I end up learning the lessons on my own at home. It sucks, but I'm just glad I can actually understand it. I'm also taking the second class of a two-part Astronomy sequence: Stars and Galaxies. I love it. Hell, I should: I'm majoring in astronomy. It's technically a basic course, but it's giving me a basic idea of what I'm in for over the course of the next 2-3 years. Right now we're learning about the properties of light and General Relativity. Being the nerd that I am, I'm on the edge of my seat over this stuff, even though I've got a LONG way to go before I'll actually understand it. Even then, it's a strange concept. In the fall, after I've gotten my calculus to the required level, I'm going to load up on the physics classes. Let the fun begin!

So, I'm really excited about my school situation right now. The only thing that's kind of worrying me is the fact that all of the scientific thinking I've been doing is slowly eroding away my creativity. Not TOO much, mind you, but I'm having to concentrate so much on the scientific method that I'm not left with much time or space* to write songs or think up cool movie ideas. I've never made any of those ideas realities, but they were still fun to think of. I'm mostly optimistic that the reason for this current lapse is that I'm trying to learn a lot of stuff at once, but it tugs at me a little that I haven't picked up my guitar for a few weeks or thought of a cool way for a guy to kill a zombie with a spatula. Writing this helps a little.

Well, other than school, not much has changed. I still have the same crappy job, and I still strike out with the ladies, actually even more so now. I interact with more girls now that I'm down on campus a lot more, so the rejections and awkward blow-offs are now more frequent. I figure if I keep trying, something good will happen. That or I'll continue to only draw attention from middle-aged women and guys.

Actually, quite a few guys have hit on me the past two quarters. I guess if I was gay I wouldn't have to worry about finding a date.

Another thing that's hunky dory here in Columbus is the story of my beloved Blue Jackets. Right now they are on the brink of making the playoffs for the first time in team history. What's more is that I have guaranteed seats for those postseason games, which is AWESOME. They played the other night against Chicago, and it felt just like a playoff game. It was amazing. I mean, they lost in overtime, but it was one of the best sontests I've ever seen. Imagining that type of game in the actual postseason is quite exciting, to say the least. As for other teams in the race, I like Philadelphia in the East, and I'm really impressed with San Jose this season. I like Chicago too, but don't tell anyone around here.

Okay, well, I have to wake up for work in three hours, so that's it for tonight.

'Til next time...

Now where did I put my beret...

2009-01-28T22:26:00.002-05:00

I decided to come out of hiding to post something I found that I wrote back in high school. I was snowed in today, so I thought I'd get a head start on the ol' spring cleaning, and I found this poem:

Passing on the sidewalk
isn't always the greatest idea
at 5 o'clock P.M.
Pedestrians clog the undercarriage
with flesh and bulging bags
I wonder if they're carrying
anything I'd like
Say,
that would be a bargain
or actually a steal
parking meters spewing coins
would be a sight to see
A handfull of change
to call someone who cares
or a cab to take me home

Ha. I guess this is my way of taking a break from nonstop science studies to do something artsy. I use that term loosely, by the way.

'Til next time...

My Ears Just Had One.

2008-11-20T21:16:00.004-05:00

Wait, what? Never mind.

Hi all, just a quick post for tonight. I just found out that Andrew Bird has a new album coming out in January. Here's a link to his site--you can hear the first song from the album. I've already played it like a million times. Check it out:

mouse cursor click now friend yeah!

In other news........

Nothing. Thought I could rustle something up just then. Nope. Later.

Clackety-Clack-Clack

2008-11-17T19:55:00.002-05:00

So it snowed today. It was pretty cool driving home from work, seeing big fat flakes falling peacefully onto my windshield and instantly melting away. This is the kind of snow I actually like: the kind that doesn't collect, pile up, and lead to accidents.

I got a second acoustic guitar. I had a crappy Squier Strat, and I took it to Music-Go-Round to look for something cool to trade it for. I ended up finding this beat-up, old, crappy guitar in the corner. It had a bright yellow tag on it that said "Tired of Looking At It Sale". It had been marked down to forty dollars. I played it for a little while, and it sounded pretty good. I'm oddly drawn to crappy no-name instruments, so this was a good find for me. I also picked up a new set of strings for it, and a set for my twelve-string. I still have a couple of dollars store credit, too. Maybe I should've snagged a kazoo or a thumb pick or something. Ah well. At least I have something to do with my days off now. In the meantime, I've been writing some new songs and decorating my new toy with black and silver Sharpies. I have yet to re-string the twelve; it takes a long time and I'll probably snap at least one. That's what happened last time.

I just got my six month performance review at work. We get a raise every six months, and the amount is relative to how well we do our jobs. Who determines this, you ask? Managers who never see us doing our jobs. It makes perfect sense, just ask them. But yeah, I have now been at that job for two years. It's kind of depressing. I hate it. I need benefits, though, so have at me, Giant Eagle! I'm yours for the taking!

I'll get out once I finish up the first part of my degree, though, so I don't feel completely doomed.

On a final, and more serious note, I continue to be surprised by certain people. I'm not going to name names online, but I recently had a heated discussion that led to a sad revelation. Why is it that some people essentially refuse to evolve? Why do they insist on hanging on to the same sad, pathetic, hateful views that hold us back as a society? It's almost 2009, and discoveries like this one make me wonder how far things really have progressed. Goddamn it.

'til next time...

And The Winner Is...Part 2

2008-11-04T23:08:00.001-05:00

yes.

And The Winner Is...

2008-11-03T16:07:00.002-05:00

Well, tomorrow's the big day. I'll be getting in line with my neighbors and other total strangers as soon as I get off work. I hope the wait isn't too long; I've got class tomorrow, and it's a test day, so I really can't skip. If worse comes to worse, though, I can just leave and go to school, take my test, double back, and get in line again. One thing's for sure: I will not miss this. This election is huge, and I want to contribute.

Today at work, my co-worker asked me who I was voting for. I told him: Barack Obama. He did a double-take and said, "What? Really?" I said, "Yes, really." Then he shook his head and said "Oh, well you're just misinformed." He said it in a patronizing, dismissive way, like an adult telling a child that there are no monsters hiding in the closet. I was mildy offended by it, to say the least. I asked him why I was "just misinformed", and I think he realized at that moment that he didn't want to argue with me about it, because he didn't have a real answer. He tried changing the subject, but I kept bringing it up. I wasn't mad at him, really, I just wanted to hear what he thought. All he would talk about after that, though was how hot he thought Sarah Palin is, and that I couldn't deny that at least.

I could, and I did. I told him that I was so repulsed by her views and personality that there is no way I would ever find her remotely attractive. All he had to say after that was, "Well, I'd do 'er."

Wow.

But anyway, back to voting. I've followed this campaign a lot more closely than past elections, and I'm glad I have. I think too often people take the easy way out by saying that they don't like either candidate, so they just don't vote. I used to be able to understand that, but not anymore. I mean, that's really kind of a cop-out. Chances are, you're not going to agree 100% with any candidate, but you pick the one you agree with most. It's not hard. Just watch the news and the debates. Read a little. (It helps if you think rationally and avoid falling for cheap scare tactics, by the way.) This is our country, you know?

Here's to it, then. Get out there tomorrow, everybody! Unless, of course, you've voted already. If that's the case, then don't get out there. Just put the news on.

'Til next time...

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T13:32:00.001-04:00

My favorite holiday is here! I hope everyone has a good time tonight! Here are some ghoulish goodies for you:

Seriously?

2008-10-30T19:57:00.002-04:00

Okay, here's my gripe for the day. I'm currently taking a college Algebra class this quarter. I'm not that skilled in math of any sort, and this class is pushing my intellect to its limits for sure. So, what do I do? I show up for class early. I sit in the very front so I don't miss anything. I fill page after page with notes. I ask questions. You know what the kid who sits behind me does? He fucking drums on his desk and taps his feet like he's goddamn Tommy Lee or something. I swear, it grinds my gears. I always stop myself from completely losing it with him, but it's so hard. I mean, come on man. Seriously? Yeah, I'll bet you're a hell of a drummer, and I know you wanna be cool and impress the indie girl who sits near us, but shut up or stay home! Damn! I'm trying to get an education here, Travis Barker. I suggest you do the same.

I really don't wanna yell at him, because I don't want to make it awkward for the whole class, and he seems nice enough, but I think I need to be a bit more firm with him next time this happens.

Y'know Who's Awesome?

2008-10-29T12:02:00.002-04:00

Rachel Maddow. I am a huge fan of her show on MSNBC. I don't know what it is--maybe the fact that she's a real person in the midst of the gaggle of news phonies that are so dominant on TV and Radio. Maybe it's because she has a great personality. Maybe it's because she's smart, collected, and always up for a good argument. I do mean GOOD argument, too. I've never seen her fly off the handle. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's the fact that she doesn't have to yell, be patronizing, or shut off a guest's microphone to get a point across. It's so refreshing. If you haven't already, check her out.

All Systems No.

2008-10-15T19:09:00.003-04:00

Writing songs with lyrics is a lot harder than I remember. I fucked myself with all the instrumental music I'd been working on. I sat writing for an hour and filled up two envelopes, a receipt, and a paper towel with sentences and thoughts, but I ended up with nothing. I felt like everything I came up with was really cheesy or just lame. My question is, how can I change this? I know I've got scads of creative ideas laying around up there in the ol' head, but there is a definite block in place. Can somebody rent a mental bulldozer and ram into my brain with it? Please?

I Am Bad At This.

2008-10-07T01:52:00.002-04:00

Goddamn, the last time I posted on this thing was in June? I need to brush the cobwebs off and get busy!

Actually, I have been busy. Here are the three main things that take up my time now:

First of all, I started back to school. It's been really cool so far, except I get nervous about doing well from time to time. It's mainly the fact that I have to take a lot of math classes to complete my degree, and the last time I took a math class prior to this was about five years ago. I walked into class on the first day and had to have some 18-year-old explain to me what 'Quadratic Equation' was. Fucking hell. I'm getting by okay now, but getting back into it was tough. Also, there are two people in the class that are older than me, and one of them is the teacher. I never really thought about it before, but man am I out of touch with the youth of today. I mean really out of touch! Not that it really matters at all. I'm through dicking around, trying to be cool. I'm there to learn, not make friends. I want to get through everything quick so I can ditch my shit job and do something I actually care about.

That brings me to my second time-drainer: work. Ah, the feeling of going to a place where you complete pointless tasks and talk more to people you don't give a shit about than to your family and/or close friends. The rich bastards who own the place get richer off my labor, and the assholes who shop there get more...uh, ass-holey, by treating me and my co-workers like dirt for not knowing if we carry a specific type of fucking yogurt. I switched my schedule, FINALLY, from third shift to first, so I don't have to work nights anymore. That does actually make me happy. I feel more normal now, and my two-year girlfriendless (is that a word?) streak is now my only real source of bleakness and lonliness. I sleep, eat, and live in a normal pattern now, and it is truly great. I know there are some who enjoy the night shift, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Seriously, it fucked me up for a long time in more ways than one. I'm out of the woods now, though. I go in at 6 AM, and I'm out by 2 PM. That's great, because then I can be downtown for school in the afternoon, and free in the evenings, which brings me to my third and favorite schedule-filler:

Hockey! I got a season ticket to see all forty-some Columbus Blue Jacket home games. I love, love, love this! For me, it's the perfect way to wind down at the end of a day, and I have something to look forward to in the mornings. The Jackets have been playing really well in the pre-season, too, and that thrills me. I think I picked a great year to do this. If they make the post-season, season ticket holders get first crack at playoff tickets, and I would SO be all over that. I've already met some cool people in my section, too, so that's been fun. It'd be more fun if some of them were lovely young ladies, but what can you do? It's fun to watch with other avid fans and talk hockey during the intermissions.

Well, I'll try to do this more often, guys. Bill, I've got some catching up to do. I need to finish reading all your latest posts. Haven't seen you around SG101 lately, either, but I'm sure you're busy.

Anyway, 'til next time...

Today Is Tuesday, Right? I Get All Mixed Up.

2008-06-24T20:00:00.000-04:00

I saw something today that disturbed me a lot. I was driving home from work this morning, and the guy in front of me ran over a squirrel. I saw it running out, the guy did sort of a half-ass brake pump, and then BAM. The poor little thing flew up in the air and landed with a sickening little bounce on the ground in the middle of the road. It really bothered me to see something like that, as I've never seen an animal actually get hit by a car before. Hell, I've never hit a live animal myself. I'm glad, too, because I know I'd feel really bad about it.

On a happier note, I went out today to get a suit for my mom's wedding, which is coming up here in a few weeks. It's the first real suit I've ever owned; it's going to be tailored and everything. I tried it all on, and I must admit, I was pleased with the way I looked in it. For a guy who spends pretty much every waking hour in a t-shirt and jeans, this is a pretty big step. It's not that I don't like wearing stuff like that--it feels good to look nice--I just never have the chance. I mean, my work uniform consists of black pants, a red t-shirt, and a black ball cap with GIANT EAGLE stamped across the front, and my personal wardrobe is made up of four or five t-shirts, a couple pairs of jeans, and some hockey jerseys. I have a few nice shirts and ties, too, but I don't throw those on to go out with the guys. Also, I'm rolling gutterballs in the dating alley, so it's not like I have to get dolled up to impress any ladies. At any rate, I now have something I can wear to special events and not look like a kid, so that's pretty cool I guess. Plus, the guy who was helping me at the store taught me that there was more than one way to tie a tie, and set me up with a nice silk handkerchief for my breast pocket. This is totally official, my friends.

Well, it's my night off, so I'm gonna go practice my stickhandling and puck control for a while and watch some movies. I haven't seen Shaun Of The Dead in a long time.

Edited In Post

2008-06-19T19:31:00.005-04:00

My apologies to any of you readers who saw this downer of an original post. Didn't mean to air my dirty laundry on here.

Here's a cool Andrew Bird video instead:

The Game

2008-06-14T16:07:00.002-04:00

The following conversation took place earlier today at my local bookstore. Allow me to set the scene:

An attractive, young woman busies herself at the customer service stand. In walks an awkward, shy, boy of a man who has admired the young woman from afar for the past two weeks, and has finally gathered up the courage to say something to her. He approaches the desk.

Jon: Excuse me...

Girl: (Silence. She hasn't heard.)

Jon: (Moves closer to the desk) Uh, excuse me...

Girl: (Looks up, smiles. It's a beautiful sight. Wow.) Oh, hi. Can I help you with something?

Jon: Um, ya. (Yes, actually says YA, like a huge idiot. Pushes on, acts as if verbal slip didn't happen) I was trying to find this one book about hockey by Ken Dryden. I'm not sure what it's called, though.

The girl types quickly on her computer. Even the way she does that is attractive. Jon catches himself staring at her and quickly looks away before she notices.

Girl: Okay, we have one book called 'The Game'. Would that be it?

Jon: Byeah, I think so. ('Byeah'?)

Girl: Great. Umm, now, we don't seem to have any copies here, but I could order one for you if you want.

Jon: Sure, that'd be great. (This sentence is said way too loud. Compensates by clearing throat and blushing.)

Girl: Okay, umm, could I have your phone number?

Jon knows full well that it's solely for the purpose of identifying him in the system, but his heart still jumps a little when he hears it. He tells her, hoping that she'll use it for more than notification when the book comes in.

Girl: Okay, great. I will give you a call when it comes in. Should be about a week.

Jon's brain: Say something, you fool! She's right here! Come on! Use the phone number thing!

Jon: Uh, okay. If you wanna call me before that, though, like if you'd ever wanna go out or anything, uh, that'd be cool too. (Awkward smile.)

Girl: Are you asking me out? (Half-smiling. It's gorgeous.)

Jon: Umm, yeah. I'm trying to.

Girl: (Embarrassed smile, looks down at her desk, then back up) Oh, um, I have a boyfriend, actually.

Jon: Oh, buh, mah, y-, that's cool. Sorry for...ahh.

Girl: Huh?

Jon: No, I-

Girl: Hmm?

Jon: Ahch...I just made this a lot more embarrassing than I had to.

Girl: No, don't be embarrassed, really.

There's an uncomfortable pause. Both parties involved seem slightly confused.

Jon: So, uh, about a week, then?

Girl: Yeah. (This is said pretty loud.)

Jon: Okay, heh, cool. Thanks.

Jon smiles, turns, and gets the hell out of the store as fast as he can.

SCENE

So, that was my latest adventure. I kind of hope she's not there when I go back in, but I also kind of hope she is. Maybe I'll grow on her like some geeky, bumbling fungus and she'll dump her boyfriend. He's probably a jerk anyway.

I'll Show You Mine...

2008-06-13T15:37:00.002-04:00

I've been shuffling the songs up on iTunes today whilst online, and it's produced some interesting playlists. In fact, I've been hearing music that I forgot I even owned. Here's my most recent:

Nice Day For A Sulk - Belle & Sebastian
When You Got A Good Friend - Robert Johnson
Cold, Cold Rain - Danzig
And The Angels Sing - Eddie & The Showmen
Working In A Coal Mine - Devo
The Great Wall - Dead Kennedys
Easy, Bruno, Easy - Triplets Of Belleville Soundtrack
Rudy Can't Fail - The Clash
Sixty Seconds 'til Sunrise - The 'Verb
The Breeze And I - The Bambi Molesters
Big Baby - Shadowy Men On A Shadowy Planet
Portions For Foxes - Rilo Kiley
First Day Of My Life - Bright Eyes
My Summer Girl - The Rentals
Myage - Descendents
When I Hear My Name - The White Stripes

What does your Party Shuffle look like?

Crying Over Spilled Chicken

2008-06-12T16:23:00.003-04:00

I'm really questioning the common sense and brain activity of the average human lately. I see some of the most mind-boggling things when I'm at work. In case any of you do not know, I work at a big chain grocery store on the night shift. My job is to stock grocery items to the shelves in as many aisles as I can, or need to. After an aisle has been stocked I have to go through and pull all of the items forward to the edge, face everything up, and generally make it look all neat and nice. We call it conditioning. Anyway, I was conditioning the other night in our international aisle, which contains products from around the world. I was working on facing up some boxes of taco shells when an awful smell hit me right in the face. I reached back behind a bunch of cases, and proceeded to pull out a bag of raw chicken. It was ripped a little, and gross chicken filth water (a technical term) was spilling out on the shelf, the floor, and me. I was livid. Why in THEE HELL would a person throw that in behind stuff on a shelf like that? Honestly. And the way it was set up, they'd have had to actually bend over and stuff it back there. It was on the bottom shelf, and the cases it got thrown behind were tall enough and large enough that it couldn't have been merely dumped or tossed in a fluid movement. The moron in question worked for this, which is odd, considering they were too lazy to walk it twenty feet to the meat coolers, where it could've been carelessly dropped. This person ruined at least fifty dollars worth of food with their carelessness and laziness. I had to pull a lot of boxes and throw them out because they had soaked up so much of the filth water. Then I disinfected the shelf, the floor, and myself. I had to waste so much time doing that, and I finished the aisle later than I should've.

The moral of this story: be considerate, do the right thing, and have some common fucking sense. And, to the culprit responsible for the mess, listen up: YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON ON EARTH, AND SAID PLANET DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU. PLEASE REALIZE HOW INCONSIDERATE ACTIONS SUCH AS THAT AFFECT OTHER PEOPLE. QUIT BEING SUCH A DOUCHE, YOU DOUCHE.

In other news, I've just discovered that I hate stringing twelve-string guitars. It's quite time consuming, and it sucks when the tenth one snaps on you. I mean come on. Seriously?

...

2008-06-10T11:40:00.001-04:00

Hi all,

Well, once again I've been slacking in the blog department. What can I say?

I've been mildly pissed ever since the Red Wings won the Stanley Cup, for one thing. I mean, yeah, their skaters played great hockey, and Chris Osgood (damn his insane talent) was great (OsGREAT? No. Shut up, Jon. Geez.) at making those key saves, but I thought this was Pittsburgh's year! Crapcrapcrap*. To make up for it, I've been playing a lot of NHL '08, where the outcome is more often than not in my favor. Is it sad that I'm 25 years old and playing video games alone in my free time? Maybe.

Okay, yes. Painfully so. Still...

I got nothing.

In other sports news, I hate horse racing. There are so many things about it that are wrong or stupid. It's like, "Hey! Let's get ourselves a horse and force it to run a race with a little guy on top! Yeah! The horse would probably be confused and scared, but that fear would just make it run faster, right? That and the thing that the jockey hits it with, heh heh heh! We'll make millions! What's that? Oh, if it got hurt we'd just shoot it. Blam, right in the face. No, it wouldn't even see it coming. That's not the issue, though! We're talking about making money by forcing an animal to entertain people! Haven't you ever seen those circus bears that ride the little unicycles? Those things look so freakin' funny. How about Siegfried and Roy with those tigers, huh? Another great idea. But I'm getting off topic. Racing horses would be a great competitive sport. Come again? No, not so much for them, but we think it's a good idea."

So stupid.

On a completely unrelated, yet more annoying topic, I was told last night about the 'ruination of this country' by my stepmom. Actually, I was glad she told me. Do you want to know, readers, what's ruining this fine nation of ours? Keep in mind, this is the truth. As we all know, facts come from beliefs, so, yeah.

Hollywood and liberals are ruining America. You heard it here first. Apparently, Hollywood and liberals "make everything that's wrong seem right and make everything that's right seem wrong." In "most movies today", people have abortions and do other awful, immoral things, and they make it seem like it's right and cool. Also, I think they say swears. And apparently if there is a movie that comes out that's "actually good", it only runs for "a week, and doesn't even play at the dollar theater".

It's too bad that conservative Christians are the minority in this country. If only they'd had someone to represent them for, like, the past eight years...

Okay, my sarcasm tanks are running on empty, and I'm just starting to get mad now. Maybe I'll revisit this whole topic some other time, but I have to go eat a tuna sandwich and calm down a little right now.

*Not a word.

One More For Today

2008-05-21T17:48:00.000-04:00

Just a short one: I just watched the UEFA Champions League Final, and it was amazing. Manchester United beat Chelsea after the game went to Penalty Kicks. It was so exciting. Van Der Sar came up with a huge save to take the game. Chelsea almost had the win, but their captain totally missed the goal on his would-be winning kick. I felt bad for him. I wasn't cheering for anyone in particular; I like to watch UEFA Champions League just to see all the talent. I was surprised, though, to see two English teams in the final. I mean, this is all of Europe we're talking about here. I think it's a fine accomplishment, and I'm happy for the Manchester fellows. I like the fans, too. They get so into those games. You constantly hear chanting, singing, and cheering. I think that's really cool. They sure do love their football.

Probably Misses His Old Glasses

2008-05-21T14:11:00.000-04:00

I just got back from the eye doctor about an hour ago. It had been about four years since I last went, and my current job now allows me to make appointments like this one without going broke. Hooray, insurance!

My current glasses have certainly seen better days. The right lens falls out from time to time ever since that haunted house incident a few Halloweens ago where I was shoved face-first into a wall. It was pitch-black inside, and my friend pushed me from behind to make the experience 'more fun'. It was real fun smacking my face on the corner of a wall and crawling around in the dark looking for my damn lens. Oddly enough, though, the place sold glasses-repair kits, so I was in business.

But yeah, you know what's not fun? Getting those puffs of air blown into your eyes.

I suppose eye diseases are even less fun, though, so I can put up with the two seconds of being uncomfortable.

I should be receiving my new specs in about two weeks. I paid extra so that they would fit them to make me look smarter than I actually am. Pretty sweet, huh?

A Poem

2008-05-20T10:43:00.000-04:00

My leg hurts
I need sleep to function properly
Did I pull a muscle?
My leg still hurts

Fin

I was looking at digital cameras at Best Buy last night. It's fun to scroll through all the memory cards to see what other shoppers have taken pictures of. I saw a few that made me laugh, and a few that were kind of just inappropriate. I usually try to make sure I leave a good picture of myself pulling a stupid face on every single one. I do the same with the Mac computers, too. Photobooth is fun because you can add neato effects. I actually found a picture of myself from a few weeks prior on one of them, too. I had sort of a funhouse mirror effect going, and I looked pretty much like a mutant or chud or whatever you want to call it. In sepia, too, no less!

Salute My Shorts

2008-05-12T12:56:00.000-04:00

Hi all,

I hope everyone had a nice Mother's Day. I did. My sister and I took my mom out to eat. We went to a very crowded Cheesecake Factory. We waited probably an hour and-a-half, but it was worth it. They have amazing food at that place. If you have one in your area, I'd recommend eating there. Good times.

I got my reverb tank fixed, too. I had bought a new one a couple of weeks ago, but it needed some soldering. I, however, am not equipped with the tools to take care of such a predicament, so I had to take it to my dad's house. We got it working last night, and I finally got to play some no-foolin' surf tunes again after a few 'verbless months. It was a lot of fun, although my double-picking now needs some work.

Actually, I'm going to go play some more. Until next time...

Rolling, Action! Okay, Cut.

2008-05-10T16:55:00.000-04:00

Hi all,

Today's post is actually just a plug for my good friend Matt. Back in high school, Matt and I got into making movies. We made several shorts, some of which were actually pretty good. Matt went on to attend the University of Toledo where he majored in film. Now he's back in Columbus making more great stuff. I was lucky enough to help him with his last project, entitled 'T-Shirt Of Me'. Anyway, I wanted to let you readers in on a bit of the indie film scene here in Columbus, so here's a link to Matt's myspace page, where you can find out all about his stuff:

http://www.myspace.com/optyprinty

Check out his movies, let him know what you think, and if you like them, shoot him a friend request. I'm sure he'll gladly accept. He doesn't know I'm doing this, but I think it's really important to promote and support local/indie art in all of its forms.

Until next time....

Crap.

2008-05-09T15:56:00.000-04:00

Hi all,

So, my comics were all ruined today. I had them all out on my floor and was trying to pick the best ones to start posting, and my cat knocked over a big glass of grape juice on them that I had close by. On the plus side, though, it did not get on the carpet, so...there's that.

I'll be getting NEW new ones together at some point, but I'm kind of sick of it right now. I'll have to give it a few days, I think.

Hockey, Eh?

2008-05-08T13:52:00.000-04:00

Hi all,

Well, the conference finals start tonight. Dallas and Detroit play at 7:30, and Philly plays Pittsburgh tomorrow night. I'm pretty excited for the battle of Pennsylvania--I really like both of those teams, and it'd be cool to see either one of them take the cup. I'm not, however, a fan of Dallas, and I loathe Detroit. So basically, I hope Dallas bumps Detroit off, then goes on to get slaughtered in the cup finals by either Eastern Conference squad.

Do you know what else I'm not a fan of? The fact that most of these games are being televised exclusively on VS.. Here in the Buckeye State, you have to have Time Warner cable to get said channel. I do not have Time Warner, so I don't get to watch the bulk of the games. I have to watch Sports Center after work and sit through reports on baseball, basketball, golf, and a bunch of other stuff I don't care about. Then they bring Barry Melrose on for a good two minutes to discuss highlights. On top of that is the fact that I work at night, so I'd miss most games anyway. If I got that channel, though, I could just tape the games (or 'DVR' them, I guess) and watch them all in the morning. I guess I'm glad that they at least show weekend games on NBC--everyone who has a TV gets that channel. That and I usually get Sundays off, so I can just kick back and enjoy an uninterrupted game without having to worry about getting ready for work later.

Last Sunday was great--the Pens played the Rangers and Hossa scored the big OT goal, sending Pittsburgh to face the Flyers, and the much-hated blueshirts back home. I've never liked the New York Rangers, and I especially do not like them now that they have Jaromir Jagr playing for them. I have always despised that guy as a hockey player. Even when he played for Pittsburgh with Mario Lemieux, who is one of my all-time favorite players. I don't know how to explain it, but that guy has always just rubbed me the wrong way. As mean as it sounds, it felt good to hear the home crowd at Mellon Arena boo him relentlessly each and every time he had possession of the puck. I think it was getting to him, too, because he didn't do all that much. Of course, that's also probably due to the fact that the Pens have been playing brilliant hockey this post-season. I mean, they swept the first round against the Senators, and only lost once to the NYR. Crosby and Malkin have been a good matchup, too, and Fleury's goaltending has been remarkable. I can't wait to see him matched up against Marty Biron. This is going to be one hell of a series for sure.

Random Tidbits In Heavy Syrup

2008-05-07T14:31:00.000-04:00

Hi all,

I'd like to start off by saying that I've found something amazing that I had previously not tried before: mini tacos. These things are just the best. I ate some for lunch, and they were quite satisfying--definitely better than any other heat-and-eat foods. Take that, Hot Pockets!

I've got about five and-a-half hours before I have to be at work, and I'm going to be spending a good part of that time getting stuff together to get rid of. I'm going to be moving soon (within the next few months) and I want it to be as easy as possible. I remember the last time I moved I was able to transport all of my possessions in one trip in my car, which at the time was an '89 Toyota Corolla. I have since acquired a lot of stuff that I simply do not need. It'll be good to thin things back out again.

There's this 70 year-old guy I work with named Claude. In true old-guy fashion, he complains about everything to anybody who'll listen. I really like the nights when he's there. Last night he was telling me how I've become a horrible worker, and that I'm not worth a plugged nickel. What could I do but agree with him? It's so funny to get him going--he will talk constantly, interrupt you, raise his voice, and then just say things that do not make sense at all. It is awesome. Plus, he just got a company ball cap that he's been wearing to work, and it's always crooked. You kind of have to be there for the effect of it, but I assure you, readers, that that combined with everything else is just hilarious. It's like the icing on a big, crabby cake that smells like prunes and Bengay and Werther's Originals.

I was driving past a car dealership the other day, and I noticed that they had a bunch of those new Smart Cars. You know, those really little cars? That's what they're called, right? Anyway, I don't know what it is about those things, but I am strangely drawn to them. I laugh every time I see one, but not in a mocking way. I think I'd really like to have one. They seem like they'd be fun to zoom around in. I think they top out at about 90 MPH, but I never go that fast anyway. I'm gonna get on their website and get some details, I think.

I've been steadily working on my cartoons for the past few days, which feels good. I'm getting the first batch finished up, so hopefully I'll have some up within the next day or two.

Until next time, guys.

Rick Nash, How Do You Do?!

2008-05-06T13:09:00.000-04:00

So I don't really have anything to talk about today, but I was looking around on Youtube and found this. This was probably the coolest thing that happened this past season for the Jackets.

If I Was A Tree, What Kind Of Tree Would I Be?

2008-05-05T13:44:00.000-04:00

Good morning Vietnam!!!

Hmm.....nope. Let me try again. That title doesn't make sense, either. Crap.

Hi all,

It is so nice out today. The sun is shining, there's a nice breeze, and I feel great. I wish it was like this all the time.

So I'm excited about the near future. I'm gonna be starting back up with school in the fall--hopefully I'll be able to complete my degree this time. It feels good to have a plan. I still feel like I'm behind schedule, but better late than never, I guess.

In other news, I've been working on some comics which I think are pretty good (and thet probably means they're lame as hell). Once I figure out how to get them onto my computer, I'll be uploading them here. I call the series "Boring Jon", and I use things that happen to me in everyday life as material. Hence, the title basically wrote itself. I've got a few other ideas for different cartoons as well--my creativity knows no bounds!!!

It kind of does, actually. I get sleepy and gassy (in that specific order) if I try too hard to come up with stuff.

But yeah, until I can get my comics up, check these ones out. They're far superior to anything I've done, and I'm probably screwing myself by sharing this link, but everyone who doesn't already should know of White Ninja Comics. They're hilarious.

http://www.whiteninjacomics.com/archive-comics.shtml

Until next time, beloved readers.

T.G.I.F.? Not So Much.

2008-02-23T00:06:00.000-05:00

Wow, this is the first time in quite a while that I've had a Friday night off. Not surprisingly, I've spent it doing absolutely nothing. I watched Thursday night's Blue Jackets game that I taped (Jackets won in a shootout; Nash & Zherdev totally smoked Ray Emery.) which was cool. Then I just sort of zoned out playing my guitar for a while.

As you can tell, I've got nothing real to say on here tonight. Just killing more time.

I hope the roads are at least a bit better by tomorrow night. Driving to and from work in this weather has been pretty stressful. I think I'm ready for spring.

I'm also ready for lunch.

Man, my body clock is so out of whack. I need to find a first or second shift job, I think. I just feel sort of 'off' nowadays. This is definitely not normal. I need to finish school and get back on track.

Mum's The Word

2008-02-18T18:47:00.000-05:00

I haven't spoken one single word yet today. I woke up around 4:00, (which is kind of early for me, being nocturnal and all) ate, and played some NHL '08 on my PS2. (I'm currently 55-0-0 on my first season, by the way.) But yeah, then I came in here to check my email and I realized that I have not actually said one word yet. I don't mind; I think it's kind of cool, really.

I don't have much else to share, I guess. I've basically described my whole day already. All three hours of it. I'm bored, though, and right now I really don't want to go to work tonight. Maybe I'll lay back down for a little while.

For any readers out there, a question:

What is the best thing to do in one's spare time?

Wait, What?

2008-02-17T09:16:00.000-05:00

At work last night, a couple came into the store and were down around the pet food section. My friend and I had just finished stocking the aisle when the guy approached us with a big grin on his face. Pointing to an area out of our sight, he said, 'That's my part-time girlfriend over there'.

This person was visibly drunk and very amused by what he was saying.

My friend asked him sarcastically how that was working out for him. The guy said, 'Not real good'. Then he smiled, gestured towards some dog food and added, 'I think I'll buy her a treat'.

I was just looking at him with a blank stare on my face. Drunk or not, why would a person say things like that about their girlfriend (and what the hell does part-time girlfriend even mean?)? He continued laughing as she walked up, visibly embarrassed. I felt horrible for her, and I was getting a little bit tired of Mr. Talkative. I turned and started to walk away. My boss stopped to ask me some questions before I could get to the back room, and as we stood talking, he caught up to us with his underappreciated girlfriend in tow.

"She's like a lava lamp," he said. "Fun to look at, but not too bright."

"Wow," I said, slightly shaking my head and looking at the floor. I continued walking, and the last thing I heard him say was to the girl.

"Come on, let's go make a baby."

"Stop!" she said, in a playful yet serious manner. I looked back to see her blushing and looking kind of sad.

I swore under my breath and stormed down another aisle, away from that. It was just disgusting.

Why do girls put up with guys like that? Do they really like dating complete and total jerks who are so inconsiderate and offensive? It certainly seems to be the case. Maybe it's some sort of weird form of natural selection at work: women see men like that as stronger than men who'd be more respectful (does that translate into weakness, though?), and therefore consider them to be better mates? I don't know, but it's ridiculous either way. Imagine that poor woman having kids with that guy. Any sons would most likely grow up thinking that behavior like that is normal and acceptable. Perhaps I'm jumping to conclusions. The point is, though, that I just do not understand how that whole mess works, and it's frustrating to see an event like that played out in front of me.

At first I thought I just didn't understand women, but I think it's people in general that baffle me. If anyone has any thoughts on this subject, by all means share them with me. I'm really curious to know.

Well, time for bed. I have to be up by 3:30 to start watching hockey. It'll be on until I have to leave for work. I love two-game hockey nights.

So Then There's This...

2008-02-16T09:02:00.000-05:00

I got off work like three hours early last night. I love it. Driving home at 3:30 AM with no cars on the freeway is a beautiful thing. Even more beautiful, I taped the Blue Jackets/Red Wings game last night so I could watch the whole thing when I got off. The Jackets played amazing hockey on all fronts, and we smashed them 5-1. That extends their losing streak to 5 games, and gives us some good momentum going into Sunday's match against St. Louis. Here's hoping the guys can pull down some solid points on this road trip.

Kind of an aside--does anyone think it's weird and/or stupid to refer to your favorite team as 'us' or 'we'? I used to think it was dumb, but I find myself caring less and doing it more. Hmm...

Moving on.

My cat has been sitting here staring at me for at least a half hour. I wonder what she's thinking? Occasionally she'll make a small noise or two to get my attention. It's kinda funny, because if I say something to her she'll make more noises at me. I hope those noises mean things like 'I like you' or 'you're my favorite human'.

She's probably saying 'get off the damn computer and give me food', though.

And now, because I'm feeling random today, I present a list of likes and dislikes:

LIKES:
-my mom's vegetable lasagna
-Akira Kurosawa movies
-getting off work early (as mentioned above)
-Conan O'Brien with a beard
-colored vinyl
-Project Runway
-Jared Boll
-Vespas
-looking in the mirror when I wake up and seeing how messed up my hair is
-Natalie Portman
-old-timey bicycles (and bicycles in general)
-studio apartments
-the sound of a slap shot
-taffy (laffy or otherwise)
-The Office
-coffee/coffee shops
-purring cats
-slightly burnt English Muffins
-old books (what is it about that smell?)
-green eyes

DISLIKES:
-cars
-papercuts
-squash (no matter how many times I try it, I just cannot get into it)
-most upscale places (I feel out of place and uncomfortable)
-shoveling the driveway
-the Detroit Red Wings
-the word 'guestimate'
-guys who act tough all the time (or who think it's cool to be violent and stupid)
-humidity
-shaving during the winter
-long fingernails
-any guitar that has a handle carved out of the body
-pointy guitars
-the tab on this can of mandarin oranges that just broke off
-my job (sort of a given)
-nosebleeds
-hospitals
-Hummers (who even needs one of those in the suburbs anyway?)
-rudeness
-socks with sandals

Well, that's pretty good for off the top of my head, I guess. I like making 'Likes' lists more, I must admit. It's fun to see what pops into your mind when you're thinking of either one, though.

I'm gonna go figure out a way to open these oranges now.

Bedtime Rave and Rant

2008-02-14T10:08:00.000-05:00

So I just bought a guitar on Tuesday. It had been over a month since I'd even played, but I'd had my eye on one, tried it out, and bought it. It really feels great to have that back in my life again. Now I can hardly put it down, and I keep browsing for different effects to go with it. It's kinda cool, too, because before this, I had never bought a guitar that wasn't released by Fender.

Well, I take that back. There was a short fiasco involving a DiPinto Galaxie IV, but that guitar sucked so bad I've since blocked it from my mind. Guh. But yeah, I went with an Epiphone Les Paul Custom, limited edition silverburst. I'd never played an Epiphone before, and I had pretty much decided on a Telecaster, but I heard things. Good things. Then I played it, and the deal was sealed.

I'm glad I changed things up. Playing one brand of guitar is pretty limiting when you think about it....

Okay, I just read through what I typed above, and I came to the realization that probably only one of the three people who actually read this blog will give a shit about this entry.

So, new subject...

Do you ever notice how people call themselves fans of a particular team, but leave the arena or stadium if said team is not playing well? That's bullshit. I watched my beloved Columbus Blue Jackets take a pounding from the Chicago Blackhawks last night. The final score was 7-2. It was the worst I have ever seen them play this season, but I had to stick with them. Why? Because I support the team, dammit! Nationwide Arena looked full at the start of the 1st period, but then fans slowly started to leave when the Jackets couldn't pick up their game. By the 3rd, the remaining fans in attendance probably could've all squeezed into the penalty box. Honestly, I don't think anyone could give me a reason I'd agree with why leaving a game when your team is down is acceptable. Stick with them, even through the bad times. Hell, especially through the bad times. I know I would, especially if I was lucky enough to have season tickets so close to ice level like most of those fairweather Benedict Arnolds do. Unbelievable.

Wow, I had no idea I'd be getting so fired up about this. It is important to me, though. During these months, hockey is pretty much always on my mind, which I think some people find odd, as I'm not the type who's generally into sports. People seem to view me as more of an artsy, indie type of guy. I don't mind that, as I am into artsy and indie things. However, I don't feel that I can lump myself into set categories like that without feeling like a douche, so I just consider myself to be myself. Whether I'm listening to Bright Eyes and doing an oil painting, or donning my jersey and screaming at the TV when Pascal Leclaire makes a superhuman glove save, I'm the same average, friendly, likeable (I'd like to think) guy. Besides, I think it's good to have varied tastes. I'd be pretty boring if everyone who saw me could accurately guess what I was all about, right?

Thoughts From the Driver's Seat

2008-02-05T11:41:00.000-05:00

This morning after work I was sitting in my car with my friend (we work together and carpool) and we were having a really good discussion on the topic of religion. I enjoy talking about subjects like that, especially when they're open to such broad interpretation. So many people have so many different views, even within the same faith, and I find that fascinating.

Anyway, as we talked, it started to rain pretty hard. Big, fat drops were pounding my windshield, and at one point we both had to raise our voices just to hear each other. Then there was a bunch of lightning. I mean serious lightning. Each burst lit the still-dark sky like it was high noon or something. It was awesome. I love absorbing stuff like that. Taking the time to think about things, really think about them. Not just notice and say, "wow, that was bright."

I wish I had a picture of that split second in time.

So, as I drove home, my mind drifted to other weather-related thoughts. I like waking up to the sight of falling snow. It seems weird to me when I think about that, because I hate everything else about snow. Especially driving in it. But going to the window and watching it fall silently is one of my favorite things. I like seeing snow covered ares that haven't been walked through or otherwise 'messed up'. Everything seems so clean, and the brightness kind of makes me happy. I suppose certain aspects of all seasons bring a smile to my face. I hope everyone else can say the same.

Well, I should be in bed. I'm supposed to get up in three hours. Maybe I'll just stay up and go for a walk or something, though. It's surprisingly nice for February.

Waist Deep in a Rut

2008-02-03T16:58:00.000-05:00

My boss has made several comments to me over the past few months that have really started to freak me out a bit. He keeps making references to my taking over for him when he leaves. Thing is, I would never want to do that. Ever. I work at a grocery store third shift. I do not want to make a career out of stocking. I realize that people can and do, but it is not for me. I want to do something that actually means something to me. I worry, though, that I'll just kind of slip into it. I mean, it's a painfully easy job. If I don't stay motivated to do something else, I could definitely see myself sticking with that routine.

I'm thinking that I need to just pack up and move. I feel like I've been here for too long. I've visited other places that I could definitely picture as potential hometowns. Places like New York, San Francisco, Chicago, and Toronto are all great cities. I just need to take that first step, I guess. I don't know what's stopping me, really. I have no obligations here in Columbus, no wife or kids. Just a crap job. I do have some great friends here, though. Still, I think I need to just do what's best for me. I'd love nothing more than to sell my car and most of my other possessions and start over. Meet new people, play new music, see new sights.

It's important to live your life. I've just been existing for the most part.

In blog page news, I've just added an 'awesome links' section. It took me forever to figure out how to do it, too. I thought I was fairly smart when it comes to computers, but blogger.com's settings almost melted my brain and face.

Anyway, I have a link to my friend Bill's blog. It may be just one link, but there's enough awesome in it for all of us. Check it out.

Awesome/Not Awesome

2008-01-31T10:42:00.000-05:00

You know what's awesome? The BBC series "Planet Earth", that's what. My friend just got a high-def flatscreen, a PS3 (which plays Blu-Ray DVDs) and said series (on Blu-Ray. I realize that everyone was on board there, and that this side note is completely pointless. Moving on.). We watched an episode when I went over there yesterday, and it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. EVER. We ended up watching the first three episodes, and I can't wait to see the rest. I recommend Planet Earth more highly than anything I've ever recommended before, and that may be a surprise to any of you who know me quite well as a staunch supporter and advocate of pizza parties.

You know what's not awesome? Laughing when you're talking to an attractive young lady and shooting something out of your nose.* Seriously, how do you recover from that? There's no fucking way she's gonna think you're cool after that, and you'd be a fool to think that it could possibly come off as 'cute' (no matter how many times you're replaying the incident in slow motion in your mind as you're driving back from the store where it happened so you can get on your blog and vent about it.).

Nope, that could not have looked remotely cute. That is gross. I am gross. A big, gross idiot.

Idiot.

On the plus side, though, I got to have a nice conversation with myself on the way back to my car:

"Hey Jon, why are you single?"

"Oh, because I do odd, quirky things when I'm around girls, like when I basically blew my nose on my upper lip whilst laughing, remember that? Yeah, just the usual, normal reasons."

"Wow, that sounds pretty abnormal, actually. Kinda gross, too."

"Oh no, I think it definitely won me some points for cuteness, right? Girls think stuff like that can be cute, right? Like endearing?"

"..."

"Right?"

"Wha--oh yeah, for sure. Good work there, dude."

"Yep."

~FIN~

Oh well. I guess we can all learn from our mistakes. You can't win 'em all. There's plenty of fish in the sea. Don't count your chickens before they hatch.

That last one doesn't really apply at all.

Hell, at least "Planet Earth" is still cool, right?

*I would've also accepted "shark attacks".

Intros and Openings

2008-01-28T09:51:00.000-05:00

Well, this is the first time I've written one of these outside of Myspace. I'm Jon, and I'll sounding off on random things, thought nuggets that pass through my brain, and events from my life that I feel I need to share.

First off, I'm becoming a hypochondriac. (Side Note: I hopped on dictionary.com to make sure I spelled that right. I don't want to come off looking like a moron on my first day.) I used to not even think about disease and illness, but for about a year now, I've been getting worried about the slightest things. In the past few months, I've diagnosed myself with several different types of cancer, deep vein thrombosis, and a brain malady or two. None have been accurate, but they've all freaked me out. I went to the doctor a while back because I kept getting these nosebleeds. Turns out it's just the cold weather that's doing it, but I was convinced that I was dying. My heart kind of drops whenever I get a runny nose--I picture gallons of blood shooting out of me.

Moving on.

I have a problem talking to girls. I stumble over my words, or just don't say anything and walk by as fast as I can without tripping. So ladies: if you see me stumbling past you or if I say "good morning" to you at ten o'clock at night, that means I'm interested in getting to know you. Please respond accordingly.

I played Star Wars Battlefront on my PS2 for awhile today, and I totally killed a bunch of rebel scumbags. My sniper rifle/blaster pistol combo left them high and dry--and DEAD.

I'm going through musical withrawal right now. I sold all of my instruments (with the exception of my drum kit, which is at a friend's house) and have nothing to play. I need a guitar bad. If I listen really carefully, I think I can hear a Telecaster Thinline and a Twin Reverb calling for me.

Wait, that's just my cat. She probably threw up on my pillow or something.

So what is that saying about first impressions?

Something.

Okay, talk to you later.
-Jon