O-hi-yuh!

So I was driving to get some lunch the other day, and I ended up behind a stupid, giant, redneck pick-em-up truck. Now, before you say anything, let me be the first to admit that just because a person drives a pickup doesn't mean they're automatically a redneck, yokel, hick, hillbilly, or any other backwoodsy stereotype. Why, then, would I refer to this person as such? Proof, friends! Proof. Behold:

-TWO window decals of Calvin peeing on something. Calvin was wearing a cowboy hat as well.

-Confederate flag window decal.

-American flag decal with the words, "These colors don't run" printed on it.

-"God, Guns, and Guts" decal.

-Enough stupid ribbon magnets to clog a woodchipper. Most were camoflage-colored. The hunting kind, not the army kind.

-McCain/Palin decal.

-Git 'R' Done decal.

-Decal that said, "Liberal: noun: a person so open-minded their brains have fallen out".

-All of this on a Ford F-350 with six tires.

So, on top of all of that, I have this guy's exhaust blowing right in my face. Eventually we both turned onto a main drag here in town where there are two lanes on each side instead of one. Naturally, I didn't want to be behind this person anymore, so I got in the other lane and started speeding up. I ended up right next to him as we arrived at a stop light. He looked over (both of us had our windows down, as it was a nice day) and asked if I wanted to race him. I declined, and he started to rev his engine. He kept looking at me too.

"That's great!" I yelled in a sarcastic manner. Even threw in a thumbs-up.

"Put up or shut up, buddy!" he said, putting his tongue in his cheek.

I started laughing. I mean, the guy looked ridiculous. He had to have been in his forties as well. I shook my head.

"What's funny, faggot?" He yelled. "What's funny?"

I just kept shaking my head. The light turned green and after the cars ahead of us started driving, we began to accelerate. He immediately started tailgating the guy in front of him until the guy changed lanes, then he sped off.

"What an idiot," I said to myself.

'Til next time...

Books! Check 'Em Out.

To sort of break away from my schoolwork, I started reading a novel I found in my closet. Honestly, I had forgotten that I even bought it, and I'm not too sure how long it's been there. The book is 'A Confederacy Of Dunces' by John Kennedy Toole. Let me just say, I haven't read any fiction in a LONG time. This is my first time reading this book, too. I bought it without even knowing what it was about; something about it just grabbed me, and I liked the title. Having said all that, I am absolutely loving it. It is so funny and well-written. It's making me want to start writing again, too. I used to write a lot in high school, and I always thought that I would end up a writer, but then all that just kind of tapered off. I never thought I was that good at it or anything, but I always thought it would be awesome to write a book. I still do, and that spark is starting to flare up again.

It feels kind of tingly.

Wait, what? Moving on.

Getting back to fiction is something I'm becoming very interested in now. Can anyone recommend any really good books? After this one I have a short stack of books by Kurt Vonnegut that I haven't read yet, but after that I'm going to be all out of options. Help me out, readers!

'Til next time...

That Gets My Goat.

To those who constantly wear those idiotic bluetooth earpiece phone things--stop it. You look absurd. There's some middle-aged prick who has a seat near me at the arena, and he always shows up with one of those goddamn things on. What a tool. Honestly, why would you even need that at a hockey game? Can your devastatingly important business life not wait two hours? Apparently not.

To those who have the entire road ahead of them and proceed to drive 35 miles an hour in a 50 mile an hour zone--get off the damn road. Anyone who doesn't notice that they're backing up traffic for a quarter-mile because they're too busy talking on a phone or pointing out random locations to their passengers should not be allowed to drive. It is stupid and severely annoying. Pay attention, moron.

To those who use public restrooms and don't flush afterwards--you are unbelievably disgusting. There's a reason that little handle is there. It's so your fucking piss and shit doesn't sit and stink up the place. What's that you say? You don't want to touch a filthy public toilet? Oh, I see. Yeah, it's too bad they don't have some way for you to clean your hands in a bathroom. If they did, it would be no trouble to flush. Oh wait, that's what those sinks are for?! Get right out!

To those who believe they know everything, and feel the need to share that with everyone around them--you are ridiculous. People like you have a lot to learn, including how to shut the hell up.

To those who are reading this blog and do so on a somewhat regular occasion--thanks. You guys are awesome.

'Til next time...

My Co-Workers

Hi all,

As I have established in previous entries here, I work at a large grocery store called Giant Eagle. I have worked there for entirely too long, and I hate it with a passion. Until about six or seven months ago, I worked nights, and that effectively crushed my soul and screwed up my health for a while. Since I've switched to mornings, I've met a lot of new folks. Some are nice, some are annoying. Here's the rundown, using nicknames that I have created:

-"Gung Ho"--> This guy is OBSESSED with the military. He's in the reserves. He spends those monthly weekends sitting in a booth watching TV, but he acts like he's been in the shit or something. He will start talking about 'maneuvers', or 'regs', or the 'CMH' at a moment's notice. Honestly, most of the time we won't even be talking about military stuff and he'll just say something out of the blue to change the subject. He especially likes to do it when customers walk by, and he'll be louder about it if said customer happens to be a young woman. I feel like the Dude in Big Lebowski when Walter starts talking about Vietnam. He purposely says things in armyspeak. He refers to our starting time as "oh-seven-hundred". We have to wear walkie talkies. He LOVES that. He always keeps his turned up REALLY loud, too, so customers can hear it and be impressed, or something. If someone calls him on it, he'll make a huge deal of retrieving it from his belt loop, cock his arm really fast, give a cool, casual look to the nearest individual and say, "Go ahead." He comes back from breaks early, too. Who the hell does that? Honestly.

-Mouth #1--> This lady thinks she has to know every single goddamn thing that goes on, ever. She is quite possibly THE biggest gossip I've ever come in contact with, and I used to go to church! She'll always walk up and start with the same phrase--"Did you hear what happened to...". She loves all of those VH1 reality shows. I think she kinda gets off on 'sniffing other people's dirty laundry', so to speak. That brings me to...

-Mouth #2--> Okay, this guy's almost worse. He talks relentlessly about everyone on our shift, but he'll act like he doesn't. I made the mistake early on of telling him something mildly personal, and the next day an employee I didn't even know approached me and started giving out advice. From then on, I knew not to tell him anything. Sometimes when I'm bored, though, I'll tell him a total lie and see how long it takes for it to get around. It's a fun game I like to play sometimes.

-Captain Paperwork--> This guy is a joke. According to him, everything has to be done according to these stupid lists they've been trying to implement. If the list says one person has to do a job in one hour that it would normally take two people an hour to do, then there's no reason why one person shouldn't get it done in that hour. Make sense? Of course not. Nothing is designed around common sense. This guy sits in an office and makes and laminates charts, then comes down and bitches at us while he posts them on our walls.

-Deliverance--> Total redneck. The first time I met this guy, I said hi to him. He stared at me, breathing through his stupid mouth, and did not say ONE WORD. He continued to stare at me until I walked off. Since then he's asked me if I'm a "faygeet", and told me if I was to stay away from him. One of the very few people I would like to hit. I wouldn't, but it's fun to think about it sometimes.

There are actually a few people who work there that are really cool, too, including my former co-workers from the night shift, and a very lovely young lady who works in a different department. She's insanely nice and really fun and easy to talk to. She's also very attractive. And, of course, she has a boyfriend. With my luck, I'm becoming someone who's "like a sister" to her. It's not like I'm trying to put the moves on her or anything, but damn.

Wrapping up, the moral of this story is that I need to quit working at this place and move far, far away. Also, I'm kind of hungry.

'Til next time...

Title That Sums Up Blog Entry

Well, here it is Sunday night again, and I'm trying to scramble to finish my homework. Ha, that's why I'm on here, I guess.

I saw this guy at work today that I went to high school with. I'll call him Frank. Actually, he was a grade ahead of me, but I had a few classes with him. It's funny; as soon as I saw him, it reminded me of the prom that took place my junior year. My friends and I did not go. Being the anti-social punks we were, we felt it would not be cool or fun to get dressed up and go dance to lame, mushy songs about loving love. So instead, four of us got together and went for a ride. We drove all over town, and our trip eventually took us past the high school. One of us, in passing, commented that it would be funny to park and stand outside the school so we could make fun of people and just be generally obnoxious. We all agreed, and my friend parked his car in the main lot. We ventured toward the front doors where well-dressed teens were arriving in small groups. We walked into the entryway, but were promptly shown the door by a teacher. Apparently ripped jeans and leather jackets are not traditional prom wear. Plus, we found out that tickets were required to gain access to the gym. That's where all the action was, apparently. Upon finding this out, we walked out and stood in front of the main entrance, and proceeded to act as ticket-takers. It was pretty fun. A senior would walk up with his date, and I'd say, "Tickets please." The best part was that no one even questioned it. They consistently handed them over, never thinking, "Hey, why are the weird loser kids working at the prom? I thought they hated this stuff." Anyway, they'd hand over their tickets, one of us would tear them in half and hand them back. Then, for good measure, we'd throw in a 'have a nice time', or 'okay, you can go in now.'

We did that to a good fifteen couples before someone came out and busted us. We were asked to leave. We retaliated by tearing down the neatly printed signs that were hanging on the doors after the offending party went back inside, most likely to make sure there was no groping going on on the dancefloor. As we were walking away, a large, rented vehicle pulled up in front of us. Frank got out--stumbled out, is more like it. He had a girl with him, who had more than likely been taken advantage of in a drunken backseat brawl. Surprisingly, he approached me.

"Hey man," he slurred. "When's the latest we can get in here?"

Now--the signs had all the info, like how you would not be admitted any later than 12:00 midnight, clearly printed on them; in a lovely font to boot. However, those signs were in the trash, courtesy of yours truly. So...

"You'll be good 'til three."

"Great! We'll be back a little before then."

"Alrighty, just make sure you have your tickets. Wouldn't wanna get stuck outside!"

And with that, they left. Then, my friends and I did the same. I always kinda wondered what ended up happening, but I hadn't thought about it in years. It was the first thing that popped into my head, though, when I saw him today. I chuckled to myself, remembering that time, and other similar times. I hated high school, but times like that bring back fond memories. A lot of them make for pretty good stories. Several more come to mind, but maybe for another time. I have trigonometry homework to do.

'Til next time...

Recent iTunes Purchases

Alright everyone. Hopefully we can all agree that being able to buy and download almost any album from iTunes is freaking sweet. Personally, I have been going a bit crazy with the downloads lately. (What else am I gonna do with my tax refund--save it for something important?! Pfft.) I just looked in my purchases, and this is what I saw:

Screeching Weasel - Wiggle
The Methadones - Career Objective
The Methadones - Not Economically Viable
The Amino Acids - Destroy The Warming Sun
The Bird & The Bee - Ray Guns Are Not Just The Future
Descendents - Somery
Blitzkid - Anatomy Of Re-Animation, Vol. 1
Black Flag - Wasted...Again
Circle Jerks - Group Sex
The Germs - GI
D.O.A. - Hardcore '81
The Damned - Damned Damned Damned
X - Wild Gift
Against All Authority - Destroy What Destroys You
Rancid - S/T ('93)
Smashing Pumpkins - Gish

Now, this may not look like that many albums, but this is like a week's worth of buying here. For me, it's quite a bit, and I did not even realize that I was accumulating so much music in such a short time. I put it to you, fellow Bloggers--what albums have you gotten recently? More than this? Less?

ooh. I still need the latest Maria Taylor album. I might make myself wait, though. Crap.

'Til next time...

How long was I out?

Hey everybody! I'm back after another long break to do an update of sorts. I've been super-busy with school lately, and I just have not made time for the ol' blog. I'm currently trying not to let math kick my ass this quarter; I'm only in precalculus and I'm already feeling slightly overwhelmed. I think it's mainly because my teacher talks and writes really fast and assumes that it's just as easy for everyone in the class as it is for him. I end up learning the lessons on my own at home. It sucks, but I'm just glad I can actually understand it. I'm also taking the second class of a two-part Astronomy sequence: Stars and Galaxies. I love it. Hell, I should: I'm majoring in astronomy. It's technically a basic course, but it's giving me a basic idea of what I'm in for over the course of the next 2-3 years. Right now we're learning about the properties of light and General Relativity. Being the nerd that I am, I'm on the edge of my seat over this stuff, even though I've got a LONG way to go before I'll actually understand it. Even then, it's a strange concept. In the fall, after I've gotten my calculus to the required level, I'm going to load up on the physics classes. Let the fun begin!

So, I'm really excited about my school situation right now. The only thing that's kind of worrying me is the fact that all of the scientific thinking I've been doing is slowly eroding away my creativity. Not TOO much, mind you, but I'm having to concentrate so much on the scientific method that I'm not left with much time or space* to write songs or think up cool movie ideas. I've never made any of those ideas realities, but they were still fun to think of. I'm mostly optimistic that the reason for this current lapse is that I'm trying to learn a lot of stuff at once, but it tugs at me a little that I haven't picked up my guitar for a few weeks or thought of a cool way for a guy to kill a zombie with a spatula. Writing this helps a little.

Well, other than school, not much has changed. I still have the same crappy job, and I still strike out with the ladies, actually even more so now. I interact with more girls now that I'm down on campus a lot more, so the rejections and awkward blow-offs are now more frequent. I figure if I keep trying, something good will happen. That or I'll continue to only draw attention from middle-aged women and guys.

Actually, quite a few guys have hit on me the past two quarters. I guess if I was gay I wouldn't have to worry about finding a date.

Another thing that's hunky dory here in Columbus is the story of my beloved Blue Jackets. Right now they are on the brink of making the playoffs for the first time in team history. What's more is that I have guaranteed seats for those postseason games, which is AWESOME. They played the other night against Chicago, and it felt just like a playoff game. It was amazing. I mean, they lost in overtime, but it was one of the best sontests I've ever seen. Imagining that type of game in the actual postseason is quite exciting, to say the least. As for other teams in the race, I like Philadelphia in the East, and I'm really impressed with San Jose this season. I like Chicago too, but don't tell anyone around here.

Okay, well, I have to wake up for work in three hours, so that's it for tonight.

'Til next time...

Now where did I put my beret...

I decided to come out of hiding to post something I found that I wrote back in high school. I was snowed in today, so I thought I'd get a head start on the ol' spring cleaning, and I found this poem:

Passing on the sidewalk
isn't always the greatest idea
at 5 o'clock P.M.
Pedestrians clog the undercarriage
with flesh and bulging bags
I wonder if they're carrying
anything I'd like
Say,
that would be a bargain
or actually a steal
parking meters spewing coins
would be a sight to see
A handfull of change
to call someone who cares
or a cab to take me home

Ha. I guess this is my way of taking a break from nonstop science studies to do something artsy. I use that term loosely, by the way.

'Til next time...

My Ears Just Had One.

Wait, what? Never mind.

Hi all, just a quick post for tonight. I just found out that Andrew Bird has a new album coming out in January. Here's a link to his site--you can hear the first song from the album. I've already played it like a million times. Check it out:

mouse cursor click now friend yeah!

In other news........


Nothing. Thought I could rustle something up just then. Nope. Later.

Clackety-Clack-Clack

So it snowed today. It was pretty cool driving home from work, seeing big fat flakes falling peacefully onto my windshield and instantly melting away. This is the kind of snow I actually like: the kind that doesn't collect, pile up, and lead to accidents.

I got a second acoustic guitar. I had a crappy Squier Strat, and I took it to Music-Go-Round to look for something cool to trade it for. I ended up finding this beat-up, old, crappy guitar in the corner. It had a bright yellow tag on it that said "Tired of Looking At It Sale". It had been marked down to forty dollars. I played it for a little while, and it sounded pretty good. I'm oddly drawn to crappy no-name instruments, so this was a good find for me. I also picked up a new set of strings for it, and a set for my twelve-string. I still have a couple of dollars store credit, too. Maybe I should've snagged a kazoo or a thumb pick or something. Ah well. At least I have something to do with my days off now. In the meantime, I've been writing some new songs and decorating my new toy with black and silver Sharpies. I have yet to re-string the twelve; it takes a long time and I'll probably snap at least one. That's what happened last time.

I just got my six month performance review at work. We get a raise every six months, and the amount is relative to how well we do our jobs. Who determines this, you ask? Managers who never see us doing our jobs. It makes perfect sense, just ask them. But yeah, I have now been at that job for two years. It's kind of depressing. I hate it. I need benefits, though, so have at me, Giant Eagle! I'm yours for the taking!

I'll get out once I finish up the first part of my degree, though, so I don't feel completely doomed.

On a final, and more serious note, I continue to be surprised by certain people. I'm not going to name names online, but I recently had a heated discussion that led to a sad revelation. Why is it that some people essentially refuse to evolve? Why do they insist on hanging on to the same sad, pathetic, hateful views that hold us back as a society? It's almost 2009, and discoveries like this one make me wonder how far things really have progressed. Goddamn it.

'til next time...

And The Winner Is...Part 2

yes.

And The Winner Is...

Well, tomorrow's the big day. I'll be getting in line with my neighbors and other total strangers as soon as I get off work. I hope the wait isn't too long; I've got class tomorrow, and it's a test day, so I really can't skip. If worse comes to worse, though, I can just leave and go to school, take my test, double back, and get in line again. One thing's for sure: I will not miss this. This election is huge, and I want to contribute.

Today at work, my co-worker asked me who I was voting for. I told him: Barack Obama. He did a double-take and said, "What? Really?" I said, "Yes, really." Then he shook his head and said "Oh, well you're just misinformed." He said it in a patronizing, dismissive way, like an adult telling a child that there are no monsters hiding in the closet. I was mildy offended by it, to say the least. I asked him why I was "just misinformed", and I think he realized at that moment that he didn't want to argue with me about it, because he didn't have a real answer. He tried changing the subject, but I kept bringing it up. I wasn't mad at him, really, I just wanted to hear what he thought. All he would talk about after that, though was how hot he thought Sarah Palin is, and that I couldn't deny that at least.

I could, and I did. I told him that I was so repulsed by her views and personality that there is no way I would ever find her remotely attractive. All he had to say after that was, "Well, I'd do 'er."

Wow.

But anyway, back to voting. I've followed this campaign a lot more closely than past elections, and I'm glad I have. I think too often people take the easy way out by saying that they don't like either candidate, so they just don't vote. I used to be able to understand that, but not anymore. I mean, that's really kind of a cop-out. Chances are, you're not going to agree 100% with any candidate, but you pick the one you agree with most. It's not hard. Just watch the news and the debates. Read a little. (It helps if you think rationally and avoid falling for cheap scare tactics, by the way.) This is our country, you know?

Here's to it, then. Get out there tomorrow, everybody! Unless, of course, you've voted already. If that's the case, then don't get out there. Just put the news on.

'Til next time...

Happy Halloween!

My favorite holiday is here! I hope everyone has a good time tonight! Here are some ghoulish goodies for you:

Seriously?

Okay, here's my gripe for the day. I'm currently taking a college Algebra class this quarter. I'm not that skilled in math of any sort, and this class is pushing my intellect to its limits for sure. So, what do I do? I show up for class early. I sit in the very front so I don't miss anything. I fill page after page with notes. I ask questions. You know what the kid who sits behind me does? He fucking drums on his desk and taps his feet like he's goddamn Tommy Lee or something. I swear, it grinds my gears. I always stop myself from completely losing it with him, but it's so hard. I mean, come on man. Seriously? Yeah, I'll bet you're a hell of a drummer, and I know you wanna be cool and impress the indie girl who sits near us, but shut up or stay home! Damn! I'm trying to get an education here, Travis Barker. I suggest you do the same.

I really don't wanna yell at him, because I don't want to make it awkward for the whole class, and he seems nice enough, but I think I need to be a bit more firm with him next time this happens.

Y'know Who's Awesome?

Rachel Maddow. I am a huge fan of her show on MSNBC. I don't know what it is--maybe the fact that she's a real person in the midst of the gaggle of news phonies that are so dominant on TV and Radio. Maybe it's because she has a great personality. Maybe it's because she's smart, collected, and always up for a good argument. I do mean GOOD argument, too. I've never seen her fly off the handle. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's the fact that she doesn't have to yell, be patronizing, or shut off a guest's microphone to get a point across. It's so refreshing. If you haven't already, check her out.

All Systems No.

Writing songs with lyrics is a lot harder than I remember. I fucked myself with all the instrumental music I'd been working on. I sat writing for an hour and filled up two envelopes, a receipt, and a paper towel with sentences and thoughts, but I ended up with nothing. I felt like everything I came up with was really cheesy or just lame. My question is, how can I change this? I know I've got scads of creative ideas laying around up there in the ol' head, but there is a definite block in place. Can somebody rent a mental bulldozer and ram into my brain with it? Please?

I Am Bad At This.

Goddamn, the last time I posted on this thing was in June? I need to brush the cobwebs off and get busy!

Actually, I have been busy. Here are the three main things that take up my time now:

First of all, I started back to school. It's been really cool so far, except I get nervous about doing well from time to time. It's mainly the fact that I have to take a lot of math classes to complete my degree, and the last time I took a math class prior to this was about five years ago. I walked into class on the first day and had to have some 18-year-old explain to me what 'Quadratic Equation' was. Fucking hell. I'm getting by okay now, but getting back into it was tough. Also, there are two people in the class that are older than me, and one of them is the teacher. I never really thought about it before, but man am I out of touch with the youth of today. I mean really out of touch! Not that it really matters at all. I'm through dicking around, trying to be cool. I'm there to learn, not make friends. I want to get through everything quick so I can ditch my shit job and do something I actually care about.

That brings me to my second time-drainer: work. Ah, the feeling of going to a place where you complete pointless tasks and talk more to people you don't give a shit about than to your family and/or close friends. The rich bastards who own the place get richer off my labor, and the assholes who shop there get more...uh, ass-holey, by treating me and my co-workers like dirt for not knowing if we carry a specific type of fucking yogurt. I switched my schedule, FINALLY, from third shift to first, so I don't have to work nights anymore. That does actually make me happy. I feel more normal now, and my two-year girlfriendless (is that a word?) streak is now my only real source of bleakness and lonliness. I sleep, eat, and live in a normal pattern now, and it is truly great. I know there are some who enjoy the night shift, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Seriously, it fucked me up for a long time in more ways than one. I'm out of the woods now, though. I go in at 6 AM, and I'm out by 2 PM. That's great, because then I can be downtown for school in the afternoon, and free in the evenings, which brings me to my third and favorite schedule-filler:

Hockey! I got a season ticket to see all forty-some Columbus Blue Jacket home games. I love, love, love this! For me, it's the perfect way to wind down at the end of a day, and I have something to look forward to in the mornings. The Jackets have been playing really well in the pre-season, too, and that thrills me. I think I picked a great year to do this. If they make the post-season, season ticket holders get first crack at playoff tickets, and I would SO be all over that. I've already met some cool people in my section, too, so that's been fun. It'd be more fun if some of them were lovely young ladies, but what can you do? It's fun to watch with other avid fans and talk hockey during the intermissions.

Well, I'll try to do this more often, guys. Bill, I've got some catching up to do. I need to finish reading all your latest posts. Haven't seen you around SG101 lately, either, but I'm sure you're busy.

Anyway, 'til next time...

Today Is Tuesday, Right? I Get All Mixed Up.

I saw something today that disturbed me a lot. I was driving home from work this morning, and the guy in front of me ran over a squirrel. I saw it running out, the guy did sort of a half-ass brake pump, and then BAM. The poor little thing flew up in the air and landed with a sickening little bounce on the ground in the middle of the road. It really bothered me to see something like that, as I've never seen an animal actually get hit by a car before. Hell, I've never hit a live animal myself. I'm glad, too, because I know I'd feel really bad about it.

On a happier note, I went out today to get a suit for my mom's wedding, which is coming up here in a few weeks. It's the first real suit I've ever owned; it's going to be tailored and everything. I tried it all on, and I must admit, I was pleased with the way I looked in it. For a guy who spends pretty much every waking hour in a t-shirt and jeans, this is a pretty big step. It's not that I don't like wearing stuff like that--it feels good to look nice--I just never have the chance. I mean, my work uniform consists of black pants, a red t-shirt, and a black ball cap with GIANT EAGLE stamped across the front, and my personal wardrobe is made up of four or five t-shirts, a couple pairs of jeans, and some hockey jerseys. I have a few nice shirts and ties, too, but I don't throw those on to go out with the guys. Also, I'm rolling gutterballs in the dating alley, so it's not like I have to get dolled up to impress any ladies. At any rate, I now have something I can wear to special events and not look like a kid, so that's pretty cool I guess. Plus, the guy who was helping me at the store taught me that there was more than one way to tie a tie, and set me up with a nice silk handkerchief for my breast pocket. This is totally official, my friends.

Well, it's my night off, so I'm gonna go practice my stickhandling and puck control for a while and watch some movies. I haven't seen Shaun Of The Dead in a long time.

Edited In Post

My apologies to any of you readers who saw this downer of an original post. Didn't mean to air my dirty laundry on here.

Here's a cool Andrew Bird video instead:

The Game

The following conversation took place earlier today at my local bookstore. Allow me to set the scene:

An attractive, young woman busies herself at the customer service stand. In walks an awkward, shy, boy of a man who has admired the young woman from afar for the past two weeks, and has finally gathered up the courage to say something to her. He approaches the desk.

Jon: Excuse me...

Girl: (Silence. She hasn't heard.)

Jon: (Moves closer to the desk) Uh, excuse me...

Girl: (Looks up, smiles. It's a beautiful sight. Wow.) Oh, hi. Can I help you with something?

Jon: Um, ya. (Yes, actually says YA, like a huge idiot. Pushes on, acts as if verbal slip didn't happen) I was trying to find this one book about hockey by Ken Dryden. I'm not sure what it's called, though.

The girl types quickly on her computer. Even the way she does that is attractive. Jon catches himself staring at her and quickly looks away before she notices.

Girl: Okay, we have one book called 'The Game'. Would that be it?

Jon: Byeah, I think so. ('Byeah'?)

Girl: Great. Umm, now, we don't seem to have any copies here, but I could order one for you if you want.

Jon: Sure, that'd be great. (This sentence is said way too loud. Compensates by clearing throat and blushing.)

Girl: Okay, umm, could I have your phone number?

Jon knows full well that it's solely for the purpose of identifying him in the system, but his heart still jumps a little when he hears it. He tells her, hoping that she'll use it for more than notification when the book comes in.

Girl: Okay, great. I will give you a call when it comes in. Should be about a week.

Jon's brain: Say something, you fool! She's right here! Come on! Use the phone number thing!

Jon: Uh, okay. If you wanna call me before that, though, like if you'd ever wanna go out or anything, uh, that'd be cool too. (Awkward smile.)

Girl: Are you asking me out? (Half-smiling. It's gorgeous.)

Jon: Umm, yeah. I'm trying to.

Girl: (Embarrassed smile, looks down at her desk, then back up) Oh, um, I have a boyfriend, actually.

Jon: Oh, buh, mah, y-, that's cool. Sorry for...ahh.

Girl: Huh?

Jon: No, I-

Girl: Hmm?

Jon: Ahch...I just made this a lot more embarrassing than I had to.

Girl: No, don't be embarrassed, really.

There's an uncomfortable pause. Both parties involved seem slightly confused.

Jon: So, uh, about a week, then?

Girl: Yeah. (This is said pretty loud.)

Jon: Okay, heh, cool. Thanks.

Jon smiles, turns, and gets the hell out of the store as fast as he can.

SCENE

So, that was my latest adventure. I kind of hope she's not there when I go back in, but I also kind of hope she is. Maybe I'll grow on her like some geeky, bumbling fungus and she'll dump her boyfriend. He's probably a jerk anyway.